Frusterated but not giving up

This summer has really left me to think on who my friends really are up to this point. I know I've said that so many times in this blog but I can't stop thinking about it. I feel... abandoned or forgotten. The group I usually hung out with in high school, especially junior year, I feel has moved on without me. So many changes have happened and it makes me both depressed and a little angry on how much an impact these changes have made. I feel alone a lot nowadays. I know I have a couple very supportive friends like Andria, Agnes, and Sarah but I also feel as though I'm insignificant in their lives. It's left me thinking about whether it's my fault all of this is happening... and it's scary. I've tried my best to be a nice guy. But I've been accused of using people, being selfish, which I don't deny. I'm sure everyone has used someone in one point in their lives. I sometimes wish I was funnier, had a better personality, but that is something I can't change.

I guess what's leaving me to think about my friends again is the fact that a couple of them went on beach week to Ocean City without saying a word to me about it... It's leaving me to feel like a little kid I guess. The kid who is left out while everyone is playing in the sandbox. Like the awkward kid noone wants to talk to because he's not funny, fast, or interesting... he's just there. That's what I feel like now. Like I'm here and no one acknowledges it. I haven't been able to hang out with Alex, Elderen, Chris, Sohwa, or Angela lately either because they're still in high school... they still got a lot going for them. I sometimes wish I was a year younger, so that I can relate to them more. They've treated me so much better than my old friends. But I guess my age has played a part in it too.

On the upside, I think I jumped over the hill on my wisdom teeth. They're not hurting anymore and only have a slight discomfort. The only thing I'm worried about is how my stitches have gone loose and left my gum kinda of clinging off the side. I don't know whether its normal or not because it doesn't hurt. Food is getting stuck easily in the gap though, so I hope nothing bad is gonna happen...

But anyways, there's only 2.5 weeks of summer left for me before I go on to UVA. I've already talked to a lot of people from Kellogg dorm and I'm really excited to leave. But before I do, I'm making sure that I go to OC for at least a day with Agnes and Co. and then go to KD with the Juniors. I'm definately not going to let something like beach week keep me from living up the rest of summer.